Cursed One Word
by crazy 2b me
Summary: She left, she came back. When she did, he ran away. Will they ever find their way back to each other? Naley Forever!
1. Chapter 1

**_Author's Notes: Hey guys!!! Me again here, exploring my capabilities to write OTH fanfics... ay ewan!!! wahaha juz kidding!! Anyways... Still thinking if I should let this stop here or add more chaps... Hope you can spare time to read and review!!!_**

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**_Disclaimer: I dont own One Tree Hill... although I would love to have Nathan Scott as my own... wahaha... he's just my dream come true guy!!! waahhh!!!_**

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**_Story line: Basically everything that happened season one and two happened, until the episode in season three where Haley was staying with Nathan at the beach house the day she came back from the tour. But that night when she came to his room, he didnt push her away, and something happened with them. But Nathan disappeared the next day, without a word or note._**

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**_So here goes!!! Enjoy!!!_**

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"Hi."

Funny with just one simple, overused word can change your life. She was the one who said it first, standing by his doorstep, the minute she realized her music was never enough without him. And at that single word she said, her life turned out to be something even her wildest dreams couldn't fathom. Then, it seemed that the tables had turned, and it was now him standing on her doorstep, soaked from head to foot, uttering that seemingly cursed word, and she didnt know how she would she respond.

She dreamt of this day - no, ached for this day - for so long that there came a time when she stopped believing that it could come true. Though she could never deny that she had never stopped hoping, yet the thought of it happening seemed lightyears away. And now that it did, all she could do is stare at the man in front of her. Not one word, not one movement, just the talking of the souls between two long lost lovers who, may at last, have found their way home.

A cry from upstairs broke them from their trance, and suddenly, she bacame aware of her surroundings. She had forgotten how hard the rain was falling at that time, or the fact that she is living a different life now. She looked back at the staircase, debating on her next move, before looking back into his eyes, then all other thoughts left her.

His eyes, his eyes that seemed to be drinking her in when he first saw her were now full of betrayal, hurt and regret. And as it always did before, when life for them was different, his pain became her own that she had to force herself not to break down in front of him.

"I shouldnt have come here," he muttered so softly that she could hardly hear the words against the pouring rain, but as he started to turn his back on her, he body moved on its own - her hands tightly holding his elbow, and her questioning eyes were answered by sheer desperation and tears on her own. She couldnt bear to lose him now, never again. She cant let him go.

Without a word - she feared that if she spoke, she would completely break down - she led him to the living room and sat him on the sofa, not minding if he ruined it with his wet clothes. After handing him two towels to dry himself off, she quickly turned to the bedroom upstairs to tend to the persistently wailing child.

"Hush now, mommy's here," she gently cooed her little boy as she picked him up and held him. She was too absorbed in her baby that she didnt hear him follow her. He stood there by the doorway just watching her take care of the little child as if she was born to be a mother. They were a picture of perfection, like the painting "Mother and Child" and he would give just about everything for his wish that that child she's taking care of would be his. But it wasnt, he came too late. She could have moved on after he left her that day. Maybe by then she realized that he was not worth all that. And now she has now someone else, someone who's better than he could ever be, and she was now raising their child. That thought alone caused him to break down.

She gently put down on the bed her son who had again fallen asleep. She couldnt help but smile just looking at him. He reminded her so much of his father, the same blue eyes, same gorgeous face. She could see him playing basketball just like his father, and hopefully not be a player like him.

Her smile widened a little when her thoughts drifted to the man she left downstairs. 'He's back my little one,' she thought as she gently caressed his hair. 'We can be a family again.'

She turned to go back but the the site that greeted her shocked her. By the doorway was Nathan, on his knees, head bowed, and his fists clenched so hard that it was almost white. What shocked her the most was the tears she saw. For all the years she had known him, she barely see him cry, and there he is, openly crying, at the doorway of his son's room.

She stood there for a minute more before she regained control of her body and before she could even stop herself, she was already kneeling beside him, hugging him tightly to her chest, and he was hugging her back with the same fierceness, afraid if he let go, she will disappear.

They didnt know how long they were like that. But they revelled in the feeling of being with each other. Holding on to each other and crying onto each other. It was all their hurt and frustrations and hope for the days they had been apart. And it is for the future and the present that they had been given now.

No words were needed. After awhile she slowly stood, taking him with her, for even then he wont let go of his grip on her, and led her to her bedroom. After giving him a set of clothes to change from his wet one, and changing herself, they tucked themselves into bed, just holding each other, never once letting go.

Maybe it wasnt such a cursed word, for all words started and ended with a simple "Hi."

**_Please Review!!!_**


	2. Chapter 2

**_Author's Notes: At long last, I'm finally able to post this thing... I dunno why I couldnt the past week, but I'm happy now... This would be chapter two... Well, I'm thinking if I should make it a long fic or just a trilogy... What do you think??? I hope you enjoy this chapter! Review please!_**

She laid there, just watching him sleep. She knew any moment now her Jr is going to wake up but she wanted to revel in every moment she had with her husband. Yes, by now they are officially separated - well, at least that's what the law says - but there were still no papers signed, so they are still technically married. And that thought somehow comforted her despite the distance. It sustained her hope that one day they will be together someday, because as long as no divorce papers were dropped in her mail, she knows he still wants to be with her again.

She was just as she remembered him. The same hair, same face, the same peacefulness she felt every time she watched him sleep. Carefully, she gently lifted her hand to gently caress his face. And again she revelled at the familiarity of it all. Slowly, she raised herself to place a chaste kiss on his lips. And it was heaven. It had been too long and she wanted to stay that way forever.

He was roused from his dreams the minute she laid her lips on his, and he reluctantly entered reality. He kept his eyes closed because he didnt want to wake up and realize that everything that happened in the last 24 hours had been a dream. But the sudden loss of the gentle pressure on his lips alarmed him more and the moment he opened his eyes, he realized why.

Haley was staring at him, her hand gently caressing his cheeks, a soft smile playing on her face. And at that one moment, it seemed that everything that had happened to him the past year had been worth it. Just that one simple smile from his wife, is enough to make it all better, and all the love he sees in her eyes made it worth it to go through with it all again and again.

Then the moment was gone, the silence was broken by the sounds of a child crying, and he was forced back to reality. His hold on her tightened - he didnt want to let her go - but he knew he eventually should. He had given up his chance a long time ago. She had been his family once, but now she belongs to another family - one that doesnt have him in it.

She watched his feelings as they flickered through his eyes. She knew she had to tend to her little one but she had to know first. She saw the contentment she found the minute she opened her eyes change into pain, then regret, then hopelessness and desperation. But despite these changes, one thing remained the same - the love. And that brought relief so huge that she had to restrain herself from jumping up and down again and again, right then and there. But she couldnt stop the huge grin that appeared on her face, nor the kiss she gave him that she hope showed just how happy she was that he was back.

A moment later, she was smiling so stupidly that he couldnt help but smile back, but she still couldnt see his confusion. Deciding for it to be better for him to see for himself, she got up from the bed, then offered her hand for him to take. She led him to the other bedroom where her little one is, then momentarilly dropping his hand, she rushed to pick up her baby. He watched her coo the little one, who was starting to calm down by the soothing voice and touch of his mother.

She looked at him, smiling softly, as she motioned for him to come closer. With that one close look at the child, he cant believe how much love he already felt for it. He was the most beautiful and precious thing he had seen, so small and fragile, and it was a part of Haley, which makes it even more perfect. For a moment, all his other thoughts vanished and what remained was the adoration he felt for the mother and her child, that he cannot help but smile gratefully when she held it out for him to hold.

He gently touched its face, and his heart swelled when it smiled at him. He has the brightest blue eyes he had ever seen, and he knew he would be a heartbreaker when he grows up. He has a dark brown hair, a little lighter in shade than his own. His skin was so soft that he was almost afraid that he would tear him. But beyond the angelic appearance, he could see that toughness in him. Funny, but he could feel it when he looks at his eyes. Maybe he would be basketball player someday.

He looked at Haley, who was looking at them with a serene smile on her face. She is happy. She is content. And she's not his anymore. The thought sank in, and his heart broke all over again.

He gently gave her back the child, for he was starting to tremble, afraid he would drop him. He cannot stay there. It wasnt his place anymore. All that matters is that she is happy. She is happy... without him. He loves her that much.

"Nathan." she called him softly, reaching out to hold his hand with her free one, to prevent him from moving away. She knows what he's thinking, and she hurt because she can feel his pain. How could he not see it already? The resemblance? Her little one reminded her so much of him. Sometimes, when she looks at his eyes, she could see him. She could see his love.

"Honey, I'm home!" a familiar voice rang out, followed by a very familiar chuckle, preventing her to say more. Her eyes widened in shock, as his eyes went from confusion to anger and betrayal in a flash. His jaws clenched, he released himself from her hold, then turned to stomp out the door.

"Nathan no!" she called out, knowing fully well what he's up to. She hurriedly went after him, praying that he wont do something stupid. "Nathan, please stop!"

"You bastard!" she heard as she entered the living room. She gasped at the sight in front of her. Lucas was was on the floor, holding his bloody noes, glaring at Nathan who was towering over him, hands still clenced at his sides. She immediately went in between them, preventing a inevitable fist fight.

"Nice to see you too, little brother." Lucas spat as he gingerly got up from his position. The baby was again starting to cry, lacing the tension in the room.

Nathan was clenching his fists so tight it was already white, but his control broke when he saw Haley, went to his brother to tend to him. He sidestepped Haley, and in a blink of an eye, Lucas was being pushed roughly at the wall, Nathan's fists almost strangling him. Haley's cries now are mixing with the baby, as she was helpless to do anything to stop what's happening.

"It bothers you, right? That she had moved on without you? That she is happy even without you?" Lucas managed to spat out, despite the lack of air. Surprised as he was to see his younger brother at his best friend's house, he still understand what caused him to act that way.

"Lucas stop!" Haley cried. "Nathan, please. Dont do this."

"Ask for his name Nathan!" Lucas shouted, as Nathan's hold on his lessened by Haley's words. No matter how angry he is at his brother for leaving Haley, he knew they still needed this chance, that they still wanted this chance.

"Why would I want to know the name of the child you had with, oh, _MY WIFE_?!" Nathan asked, with gritted teeth, his hold on Lucas tightening again. He was his brother. How could he do this to him? He had always been jealous of him. He had known Haley far longer than he did, and he never hurt her. That made the feeling worse for he knew, deep down inside he deserved Haley more than he does. He understands but it doesnt mean that he can take it. He was his brother, he knows how much he loved her - how much he _still_ loves her.

"Just ask her, dammit!" Lucas spat, managing to release himself from his hold. He stepped away from his enraged brother, his body poised to defend himself if the need arise. He knows Nathan well enough by now to know that he is past reason. His jealousy and feeling of desperation and helplessness are clouding his mind to the reality. He needs to see proof to be able to believe it. "Haley, please just tell him." He pleaded her, looking away from his brother, to look at his bestfriend's eyes.

Confused more than anything, he turned to look at his wife, and his demeanor softened at her form. She was crying, her baby held tightly to her chest, and he felt ashamed for acting like a caveman. It was just that... But it doesnt matter. He had given up his right a long time ago. But it still hurts, damn it! It still hurts so bad.

She looked down, unable to meet both their eyes. She had to tell him. She just prayed he would understand. If Lucas had come a little later, it wouldnt have come to this. But this is what is given to her, and if she wants to get her family back, she had to make this work.

"Haley..." Nathan, said so tenderly that she choked on a new batch of tears. Slowly, she walked up to him, sensing him tense as she again offered him her child.

Unsure of what else to do, he took hold of the child, and he felt all the anger slowly dissipate as he looked at the crying child. Involuntarily, he rocked himself, hoping to hush the baby, cooing him until it was looking at him with fascination.

"It's Nathan." Haley whispered so softly but he could hear it almost as clearly as if she had shouted on his ear. He felt his heart pound, as he stood still, watching her watch her baby in his arms, the serene smile back on her face. Then she looked into his eyes, still with the smile that could brighten even his darkest days from the moment he had met her. "Nathaniel Lucas Scott."


	3. Chapter 3

**_Author's Notes: Oh my God! I'm so happy for all the reviews! I know there isnt much, but its still good to know that some people do appreciate my work. So here's another chap that I hope you'll like. and please, review. I'd appreciate feedbacks._**

**_Haley: Thanks for the review! I know Lucas' entrance has bad timing, but its essential... I'm going to put up more Naley scenes to make up for it, though... lol!_**

**_JJC: I assure you that I'm gonna finish this, as long as there is one person who still likes it, I'm going to go on writing. I think I'm gonna make it longer, 10 chaps max... Not sure though, we'll just see... thanks!_**

**_tut0rgirL.23: yupz! kaw din?! waw, small world! wahaha _**

**_luvnaley23, saderia, xnaleyluvx, SluttyDeb and Cherry-Alana: Thanks so much for the reviews! really do love them, hope this chap wont disappoint._**

**_Read and Review!!! Enjoy!_**

Huh? What... Why... How... All coherent thought seem to escape him as the words processed in his brain. _Nathaniel Lucas Scott_. Little Nathan._ His _Nathan?

He looked at the baby in his arms, who was smiling cutely at him, unaware of all the drama in his surroundings. Tears started to well in his eyes as the little guy, touched his face, then laughed cutely. Realization struck him like a ton of bricks. He cant believe he hadnt noticed it before. His eyes, his hair, those cute little lips. This was his baby. His and Haley's... _His family..._

He looked back at his wife, who was looking back at him, gauging his reation to the information she had given him. What if he didnt want him? What if he regretted coming back? Maybe he wanted her back, but that doesnt mean he was ready for the responsibilty of being a father this soon. She couldnt handle that again. She needs him in her life. Seeing him again after so long made all the heartache of being away from him for too long go away. Sure, they havent talked, _at all_, from the time he had gotten back - not that they had the chance to - but the fact remains that he came back and he chose to come back.

He saw the fear and anxiety in her eyes, and as much as he wanted to put her fears aside, he just couldnt. He was dealing with the fact that he had left his pregnant wife when she needed him the most and he had missed his son's first months. How old is he exactly? How was it for her to raise him on her own? Did she regret it? He hoped not, for in his arms is the most precious thing he could ever have. Maneuvering the child on one of his arms, he opened his free arm for her, and released the breath he didnt thought he was holding, when she came to him eagerly. His family...

"I'm so sorry, Hales." he whispered fiercely as he kissed the top of her head. She just hugged him, some of her tears falling from her eyes to his shirt. "Back then, I wasnt thinking... Please, forgive me. I have no idea how hard it had been for you, and it shouldnt have happened that way if I had been here. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you and for missing so much on our baby. I need you. I need my family back. Please dont make me walk away."

She looked up at him then, hearing the desperation and the heartache in his voice, and for the first time since he arrived, she got to look at him closely. He looked older, leaner, made her think if he was eating properly wherever he had been. There were bags under his eyes and more wrinkles on his forehead that he knew that wherever he had been the past year and a half, it hadnt been heaven. There was something in his eyes, and though she couldnt decipher it, it scared her. He left Tree Hill a broken man, but it seemed that he had gone back like a dying man.

She untangled her arms from his waist, which made him tighten his hold on her, afraid that if he let her go, she would be gone in a flash. But she just smiled at him, a hand reaching out the smoothen the creases on his forehead. His eyes immediately closed at her touched, leaning slightly to feel more of her. He had missed all those time she did this when he was troubled and the way that his worries would leave him the minute she did. Just like now.

Little Nathan seemed to sense what was going on that he just stayed quietly in his father's arms as his parents share a moment. But never really liked being ignored, he suddenly clapped his hands, laughing amusedly, then reached up to place a wet kiss on his father's cheek.

That made Nathan's eyes snap open. Did... did his son just kissed him? He looked confusedly at Haley, who looked at him in amusement and as if to confirm his suspision, she mimicked little Nathan's actions, kissing him on his other cheek.

He then smiled proudly at his son, before kissing him all over, making smacking noises, which made the little one laugh histerically. Just as suddenly, he leaned down and captured Haley's lips in a sweet kiss.

Despite her shock, Haley managed to kiss him back. Emotions started to creep from her lips to the rest of her body and she realized that through distance and time, despite everything that happened, he still had the same effect on her, if not stronger, by just a kiss, a touch. Almost unconsciously, her arms snaked on his neck, tiptoeing to reach him, while he just held her tighter, his other arm still holding their baby, who took to playing with his collar.

An uncomfortable cough broke them from their liplock and they found Lucas standing awkwardly by the door. They had almost forgotten he was there. Blush crept up from Haley's cheeks as she buried her face on Nathan's chest, embarassed that her bestfriend caught her making out with his brother. Sure, he had caught them a couple of time back in the days doing more than just making out, but after the distance, and so soon after Nathan coming back, she doesnt know how to feel about it. And what would Lucas feel about it. He had been there for her during the time Nathan wasnt, and it would definitely not sit well with her if it didnt with him.

"I know you missed each other but you do remember there is a baby in the room, right? You wouldnt want to scar him for life with knowledge of his parents extra curricular activities." Lucas chuckled dryly. Okay, he's angry at Nathan but he had seen Haley at her worst. He knows she needs him and he wouldnt deny that to her if that's what would make her happy. But then again, throwing a punch or two at Nathan's face still looks appealing to him.

Despite the uncertainty of the situation, Nathan smirked, still feeling pretty high from Haley's kiss. She might not forgive and forget that moment, but at least he knows she's willing to try. "Whatever, Luke. I know you had walked in on more _compromising_ situations before."

"Eww, Nate, as I kept telling you, _TOO MUCH INFORMATION!" _Lucas shouted, his eyes closed tight in an effort to erase the images that started popping on his head, not noticing that he had called his brother by his nickname. Nathan did, however, which made the younger brother grin more. "I just ate and the images of my bestfriend and my brother having a go at each other is not exactly nice to my digestion."

"Tutor mom! I f- _oh my God_!" A gasp was heard from the doorway, preventing any more words to be spoken, although it was anything but hostile.

Nathan was expecting them since Lucas showed up at Haley's living room, but it still didnt cover the shock that was written in his face by what exactly greeted him.

"How long was I gone again?" he was able to mutter, still getting over the shock.

"Long enough." Lucas replied, putting an arm around the girl beside him, giving her a peck on the lips before looking back at his brother, who looked as confused as he was before he knew that little Nate was his son. "This would teach you not to leave incommunicado for almost two years again. You miss out too much."

He looked again on the others, also not looking too friendly at him, which wasnt surprising, but how they grouped together kinda disturbed him. Then he saw it, the little thing on his big brother's hand, as well on the hand of the girl in his arms, who was glaring quite dangerously at him.

"I think I should sit down." Nathan said, his hand slipping from Haley's waist to his head which is starting to ache.

"You would, wouldnt you?" the girl spat, her eyes glinting dangerously. "But that's just you. We, on the other hand, would prefer it if you go back to the rathole were you came from." she said so hatefully that he felt as though he was slapped.

"I'm sorry, okay! I didnt mean -"

"You still dont understand, do you, Nathan Scott?" the other girl said evenly, althoug her eyes were looking at him, almost piercingly. "It dont matter if you meant it or not, the fact still remains - you left."


	4. Chapter 4

_**Author's Notes: hehe you guys are really awesome with the reviews!!! im not that quite contented with this chap but i promise to make it up the next time... haha so hope you enjoy!!! **_

_"You still dont understand, do you, Nathan Scott?" the other girl said evenly, although her eyes were looking at him, almost piercingly. "It dont matter if you meant it or not, the fact still remains - you left."_

Haley felt him tense beside her, tightening his hold on her on the process. She looked at him and all she saw was him looking at the floor, jaw clenched as if fighting the urge to say something. She slowly rubbed his back, hoping to calm him down. The motion caused him to look at her questioningly, which she just smiled in return.

"I cant believe this! Haley!"

"Brooke." Haley said, slightly turning to look the girl on the eyes, smile still on her face. "This isnt necessary."

"Not necessary?! Haley, have you forgotten the hell you've been through since this asshole left? I've watched you work your ass off trying to make ends meet, pregnant might I add, then cry yourself to sleep every night. Then this cute little baby came out, although I'm not complaining, and you now have to juggle work and the baby. Now that he just magically appeared out of only God knows where, and you're all open arms?! Sorry but this_ IS _necessary!"

Nathan's eyes flew from eyeing the group to gaping at Haley. For the nth time that night, he felt the pang of regret and self-hatred wash over him. He cant believe that he had been so caught up with his own drama that he hadnt thought about what Haley must be going through. More than ever, he felt undeserving to stand by her side, claiming this family as his own.

"Guys, I understand how you feel but you have forgotten one thing." Haley countered, pulling away rather reluctantly from Nathan's embrace to face her friends fully and as if to shield him from them. "I was the one who first left, remember? If I hadnt done what I had done then, this wouldnt be happening."

"That was beside the point. You came back and he sure as hell wasnt carrying your baby." Peyton gritted out, still glaring at Nathan over Haley's shoulder.

"But I've got you guys. I've been there and done that and I personally prefer to be left than to runaway to a foreign place. At least I still have my friends and my family. But imagine what he might have felt living on his own, trying to get over the hurt I had caused him by running away and trying to clear his mind from the confusion I had caused by coming back."

"Hales..." Nathan started, not really sure on what to say. Haley always did know what he feels even if he didnt tell her, and, apparently, despite their distance. But he couldnt let her put the blame to herself. It takes two - it always takes two.

Haley smiled at Nathan when she heard him say her nickname. She loved the way her name sounded from his lips. It always made her feel special somehow. Ignoring the stunned faces of her friends still at the doorway, she returned to her husband's embrace. "You're here now and we're a family again." She whispered, not once looking away from his eyes. "Nothing else matters."

For a moment, all was stunned into silence, as every word spoken still being slowly absorbed. It was Lucas who broke the silence, with a deep sigh.

"I understand." He said slowly, eyeing the girl beside him from any violent reaction. He released the breath that he didnt know he was holding when he found none. Turning back to the couple in front of him, he continued, "For some fucked up, crazy way I do. Both of you messed up pretty badly, but then again, we're still young. We learn from our mistakes. Good thing you're both strong enough to withstand your stupidity." he ended, chuckling slightly.

Peyton rolled her eyes at the man standing beside her. "Sometimes Lucas, you are such a dork." She said teasingly, slapping his chest, earning a small laugh from the group. "But I guess if Haley lets you off the hook, then I can, too. But I warn you, it will require quite a lot of sucking up to me. And get your mind out of the gutter, Lucas Scott!" She added, when she noticed the sly look on Lucas' face.

Lucas just shrugged. "It works everytime, though." which earned him another slap from his girl.

"Baby in the room, people!" Haley chasticed as she and Nathan tried to cover their son's ear as if he can comprehend what's happening at the moment. "Really Lucas. I know you're ecstatic that you and Peyton finally - emphasis on the finally - stopped all your drama and be together - no offense Brooke..." she paused, looking apologetically at Brooke.

"None taken." the girl, flipping her hair with her trademark smile.

"But I, and I dont think neither would your nephew, would appreciate the visuals your words cause." Haley continued.

"Oh please, I havent said anything." Lucas rolled his eyes at his bestfriend's rambling. "Besides, Nathan is a lot worse than me."

"Oh, so that's an excuse because apparently he's also worse than you in cleaning, cooking, laundry and scrabble." Brooke countered, rolling her eyes. "Scrabble? It seems that no matter how emo you are, you're always on a loss for words."

"But its true!" Lucas defended, making the others laugh at his expense.

"Well he does have the disadvantage considering the fact that I tutored you long before I tutored him." Haley said, making Lucas aim a glare at her.

Nathan stood there awkwardly, still holding the baby, who fis still contented playing with the collar of his shirt. Although he welcomes the fact that he no longer feels like a prey in a lion's den, but it still felt rather uncomfortable seeing them being so at ease. The last time he had been with them like this... Well, the last time would be before the whole thing with Chris started and a lot had happened since then. Haley left, came back then it was his turn to leave. Now there is a baby, and another marriage within the group, not that it surprised him that much. Even before him and Lucas became close, he knew they were hopelessly drawn to each other and eventually be together. Not that he doesnt like Brooke. Its just that Peyton and Lucas seems to have some kind of a bond that neither of them could comprehend nor come close to achieving. It didnt even surprise him that they tied the knot this soon. And seeing them happy, seeing them like this, it doesnt feel like he fit in anymore. Watching them like this, made him feel a lot worthless. They had moved on, made a life without him.

But then, Haley looked back at him, with her welcoming smile, and instantly, he felt a whole lot better. He may not belong in this world, but at least she's not closing it on him. At least... he belongs in hers.


	5. Chapter 5

**_Author's Notes: Here's the update! Sorry for the grammar, I know it kinda sucked at some points. I blame it all on the grammatically incorrect rock and rap songs that I can't seem to get outta my head. Anyways, the last chap I didnt like so much because I really wasnt on the mood that time so I tried my best to make up for it this chap. I do hope I wont disappoint :p_**

**_Anyways, as you people would have noticed already, this is also a Leyton fic, which I like next to Naley. Not that I dont like Brooke. I love Brooke coz I see myself a little in her but Leyton is so depressingly adorable that I absolutely love them together. Not to mention that I would love to have a someone who looks after me the way Lucas do to Peyt. Nobody can top Nathan though. He's soooo adorable, I want to pinch his cheeks!!! Well, enough of my obsession on a figment of someone else's imagination (I know they're just characters, cant help but love them, though) and on with the story..._**

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**_Please, please review... I really would love it if I could finish this fic with at least a hundred reviews... Really appreciate it... and it would make me update faster, promise... :P_**

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**_Enjoy!!!_**

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Okay, so she is officially worried. Watching her husband watch their little boy as if it would disappear unnerved her. Not that she didnt love this new Nathan. For the past three months since he had been back, he had been nothing but adorable - waking up before she did to make breakfast and to take care of little Nathan so she can have a little more time to lie in, helping her every now and then with the chores (something, he said, he had to learn within a year of living alone), and then getting a job at Tree Hill High as an assistant coach to the basketball team. Every spare time he had, he spent it with her and little Nathan or with Lucas and the guys at river court, trying to make up for the time he had been away. It all had been good, almost like the good old times until that one night he came home. he came storming into the house, throwing his bag by the doorway, then went straight to her and hugged her so tightly that she teased him if he didnt let go soon, she would break. She was laughing until he pulled away and she saw his glassy eyes. She had only seen him cry once and that was the day he came back, and seeing him on the verge of tears again broke her heart a little bit, thinking just how broken is the man who came back to her and what had caused such.

So many times she had came close to asking him, but as if he could sense it coming, he would come to her and hug her, whispering in her ear how much he loves her and their baby and that they are his only reason for living. He never kissed her, though, not once since he came back, and that in itself should have worried her. But she had felt so safe and at home in his embrace that she had pushed it in the back of her head to be dealt with at another time, until it became a routine and she became more afraid than worried to know what the answers to her questions would be.

And then came the talk with Lucas. Him, Peyton and Brooke had been pretty civil with Nathan and she loved them so much more for understanding her. Sure, she would notice the looks Peyton and Brooke - especially Brooke - would give Nathan when a comment regarding the touchy subject would pass, but she was grateful it stopped there. She felt even more gratitude to Luke for letting him in again, asking him to join him and the guys at rivercourt to play ball, a week after he came back. She knows how much Nate needed to feel like he's not alone anymore, especially with this baggage, whatever it is, that he is keeping inside him, and she couldnt claim to know him at all if she didnt know that basketball is his release. At least if she cant help him, there is something or someone else who will.

So it startled her to hear that those days that he would hang out with Lucas, he hadnt played at all. From what Lucas told her, he would just sit at the sidelines, watching them play, or laughing at some stunts they pull. Lucas, being himself, asked him right from the start why, and all he got as an answer was, "It's just not the same anymore." Seeing the look on his brother's eyes, and the worried glances Skills and the guys were sharing, he decided to let it pass. But when meetings after Nathan still decided not to play and had invented an unexplicable way on avoiding confrontations wherein he would be forced to answer certain questions, Luke decided that things arent as normal as it seems, and resorted to talking with Haley.

_"It's not that I had forgotten what he did but he's still my brother." Lucas said frustratedly, head in hands as they sat at Haley's living room. Nathan had taken little Nate out for a walk and to see Grandma Karen. "I'm worried about him and its killing me not being able to do anything. Something must've happened back then, when he was away, for him to be like this. This is not the Nathan we all knew and loved. He's more broken than he was when you went on tour. I'm scared that if he keep it all in, we'll lose him even more than we already did."_

_"I know how you feel, Luke." she replied, her eyes on her fingers which were twitching slightly. "It's hard, you know, being near yet so far. Makes me sometimes think that maybe if I hadnt gone on tour and left him, he wouldnt be like this. I hate seeing him in pain, Luke."_

_Lucas looked up when she said this and turned her shoulders so she would look at him. "It's not your fault Hales. You were young and we all make mistakes when we are young. And its not you. We all made our decisions back then. You left, you came back. He left, he came back. That's what matters. You always come back. So dont go blaming yourself like that. How could you help him if you're feeling helpless yourself?"_

_"It's just hurts so much!" She cried. Sighing sadly, he enveloped his best friend in a hug as she cried - again - in his chest._

Even Brooke, who, by the way, is still pissed at him, noticed the change in him.

I_t was the day when the five, plus Jake and little Jenny - they were now back in Tree Hill seeing that the drama with Nikki is now over and he had claimed custody over the little girl - for a get together since it was the first day in over two years that they are all in the same place for them to do so. The girls are in the kitchen trying to come up with a rather fancy meal, which proved to be a challenge seeing that Haley was the only one who had a decent experience in the are, and the boys were in charge of taking care of the children. Haley was in the middle of teaching Brooke on how to properly mix a cake bather when her eyes happen to glance at her family. Nathan was quietly playing with their son, with that solemn face. Seeing her distraction, Brooke eyes also landed on the father and son._

_"Funny," Brooke suddenly said, making her and Peyton to look at her curiosly. "I'm worried about your boy toy, tutormom" she continued, not peeling her eyes away from the father and son. "Not that I had forgiven nor had I forgotten, which I havent, but he scares me a little. He's changed. The Mr. Hotshot that I know is reserved, sure, but at least he still got that arrogant side of him that make him look more normal. But that person standing there? Well, I can safely say that he had officially stolen Luke's title on being Mr. Broody."_

_Peyton and Haley laughed a little. "And funny that what you said totally made no sense but being insane people that we are, we perfectly understand." She also averted her gaze from her friend and all three had now their eyes transfixed at the scene in front of them. "But if what Luke said was true, he still isnt talking about it." The two now looked at Haley, who sighed sadly then resumed her mixing of the batter._

_"Not a word." Haley muttered rather dejectedly. "Sometimes I wonder what he happened to him back then. Like, what did he do, where did he stay, why he came back, why now? I hate not knowing how he really feels, you know?"_

_The two moved on either side of her then gave her a one-armed hug. "If there is one person he'll talk to, tutormom, that would be you." Brooke said comfortingly. "But you do know you need to breathe to be able to talk, not that I blame you because I know how kinky make-up sex can be." She added, with a smirk. But when Haley just sighed again, not looking up from her gaze at the obviously over-mixed batter, she looked at Peyton, who was mirroring the wide-eyed expression on her face. "Oh My God! You guys haven't done it yet?! Its been what, a month, since he had gone back and he hadnt jumped you yet?! Mr. Hotshot himself?! Hell might be freezing or Nathan Scott had gone celebate!"_

_"He hadnt even kissed me yet." Haley answered with a slight pout. Not that she is a sex-crazed addict, but she had missed her husband. A lot. The last time they did it, well, it was the day she came back from the tour and it hadnt turned out so well, considering that he had disappeared the next day. The only good thing out of that night was little Nate. It made her think that maybe he just didnt want her anymore. Maybe he came back because of guilt, and maybe he was staying because he didnt want to be a Dan to their son. All these thoughts and insecurities are starting to consume her that she hadnt realized she was crying until a drop fell on the batter and Peyton was gently taking the spoon and the bowl from her hands before her two bestfriends hugged her._

_"Guys, you done here yet? Jenny -" Jake stopped when he saw the glare Peyton and Brooke aimed at him, and Haley has her back to him. His fear from the two women instantly turned into worry when Haley turned around and he saw remnants of tears on her face._

_"I'll tell the guys to order take out." Knowing fully well to not ask with the dangerous look the two former girls was giving him and also noticing that they hadnt finished anything yet. "I really dont know what possesed you to ask them to cook, Hales. You know these two and kitchens dont mix very well." He joked light heartedly, trying to ease the atmosphere a little._

_"Watch your mouth, Jagielski." Brooke huffed, narrowing her eyes at the boy, at the same time grateful for the distraction. "You wouldnt want little Jenny to know what her saintly daddy was up to now, would you?"_

_Jake laughed, as he backed away from the kitchen. "Point taken, Davis. I'm going now." _

_"Jake thanks." Haley said, to him before he disappeared at the the hall. He gave her an understanding smile as he got its double meaning. He wouldnt tell Nathan or Luke._

Not able to keep it all in, any longer, she slowly approached her husband. Placing a hand on his shoulder, she waited for him to turn and look at her and smile before she said, "Nate, we need to talk."


	6. Chapter 6

**_Author's Notes: Gomenasai!!! It's been so long since I've updated... It's life... Just graduated then contract ends so I'm basically jobless... Frustration causing writer's block... Anyways... here is the next chap... Hope it makes up from the last chapter... I've been in a dark mood that day, so the chap's pretty depressing... Anyways..._**

**_I wanted to do a Bake but I'm not a fan of barkadas swapping boyfriends... So twice is enough... So I decided to add another character in the mix... I hope you like it though..._**

**_Review please!!! I would love to hear what you have to say... Thanks!_**

**__**

"Any of you heard from Haley yet?" Lucas asked as he walked into the house, sweaty from playing basketball with the boys minus Nate.

"Hey honey." Peyton greeted him, as he walked behind her and dropped a kiss on her forehead. "Haley hadn't called in yet." She managed to respond to his question before the rest of the guys piled in and greeted their counterparts, those who have counterparts, that is. She watched him settle down next to her on the love seat and promptly dropped a chaste kiss on his lips.

"Why? Are we suppossed to hear from superstar and tutormom? Come to think of it, I haven't heard from tutormom much lately. But maybe its just they're finally - emphasis on finally - having their crazy make-up sex and we won't hear from them for at least a week." Brooke said, rolling her eyes when she noticed Lucas cringe. "And I would have thought that now that you are married, you would've gotten used to the idea that married people do have sex and its perfectly normal if Nathan and Haley does, too."

Lucas winced at the images Brooke's words gave him. "Again Brooke, Haley is practically like my sister. I dont want to imagine her doing anything with anybody, much less with my brother. As far as Haley's concerned, kissing produces babies." he said, making the others laugh and Peyton kissed him gently on the cheek which comforted him just a tad bit.

"Besides, I don't think they'd be doing it anytime soon." Chase, Brooke's current boyfriend said, plopping next to Brooke on the couch, then dropping a lazy arm around her shoulders. "I don't think he's ready yet." he continued, noticing the unspoken question that drifted across the room after his statement.

Uncomfortable silence filled the room at that point. Chase came into town about three months after Nathan's disappearance so it came to a surprise for them when he approached Lucas one day and told him that Nathan was okay and that he just needed time. As puzzling as the statement was and the frustration that came from knowing that someone knew just where Nathan was and not being able to force the knowledge out of the person then drag Nathan back to Tree Hill, it brought the group a little comfort to know that at least he's not dead or in a hospital lying in a coma. They didn't tell Haley, though, because they knew it would devastate her more to be helpless to do anything to bring back her husband.

When Nathan came back, Chase made it a point not to be with the group when he was there. He didn't want to put any other necessary pressure on Nathan to say anything he wasn't ready to say, which was complicated to say the least. He had been seeing Brooke for a couple of months now and he had been quite attached to the group.

"Babe, you know I love you and all, and I know how hard this is for you, but superstar's not telling us anything and its killing us, especially Haley. We've got to know." Brooke pleaded, holding his hands and looking into his eyes. He smiled a little when he saw the concern in her eyes. She was quite protective of her friends, especially Haley ever since Nathan left, and she wouldn't let anything happen to her, not even letting people from school be a bitch to her. So it wasn't a surprise that she didn't welcome Nathan back into their life with open arms. Yet, now, he could see she was concerned for Nathan as well and she was itching to do something to fix things. After all, that's what she does. He sighed.

He looked around the room. Lucas and Peyton was sharing the love seat, Jake and Mouth on the sofa across them, Bevin and Skills are on the floor, all looking at him expectantly. He sighed again.

"Haley should be talking to him now." Lucas said slowly, eyeing the man in front of him. "She's worried about him. He's more distant than since he came back."

"He saw me. At the cafe the other day." Chase said, looking at his hands, which was still entwined with Brooke's. "He knows why I'm here. He knows why I came here in the first place. He's scared that if she knew, she'll leave him for good. He can't take that again."

"She, as in Haley?" Mouth asked, speaking for the first time. "Why would she do that?"

"I came here, to Tree Hill, because of Nate. We met at a bar in Boston." Chase continued as if he didn't speak, still not looking at anybody.

"Aww, dawg! You telling me that he's been cooped there all along? Gawd knows how many away games we had there!" Skills exclaimed, looking at the surprised looking Lucas.

"And he'd been in every one of them, or so he told me. I came with him to some when I was still there. That was why I had no problem finding you, guys." He then looked at Lucas. "He was so proud of you, he sometimes bragged that he thought you some of those moves you did." he added making them all laugh slightly. "He might be hiding but he missed you, guys, and as much as he was scared, he wanted to see just a glimpse of you guys." He laughed a little. "Imagine how anxious he was when he didn't see Haley cheer. He practically drove me crazy! I knew then I had to come here, to appease him a little. I didn't say Haley was pregnant, though, it wasn't my place and I don't think he could deal with it then. I just told him that she's been focusing on school."

"So that's why I thought I've seen you before!" Brooke exclaimed after a moment. "Have I ever told you I have eyes like a hawk? You're too cute a guy not to leave an imprint in my memory." she added with a wink, making him laugh.

"We hadn't seen Nate, though." Peyton said slowly, racking her brains to shift into her memories of those games. "The schools we've been to had been pretty small. We should have seen him somewhere."

"Disguise." Chase said, finally looking at them all in the eye. "He was very careful. He wasn't ready to let you see him yet. He wasn't ready to let _her _see him yet."

"Why, though?" Bevin asked, thoughtfully. "If he's so bent on not loosing her, why didn't he come back earlier?"

"It's not my place to tell." Chase said, momentarily looking down. Then he turned to look at them again and said, "But I'll tell you this, if he had a choice, he would've gone back about a month after he left. He loved her too much to be away for so long. It's just that circumstances got in the way of his plans."

"Well then I guess we just got to wait for Haley's call then." Jake said, standing up. "I really would like to stay but I got to pick up Jenny. Call me if you find out anything, alright?"

"Bye." the group said, as he walked out the door.

"So what do you guys say on movies and popcorn while we wait?" Brooke said, standing up as well. "I got the feeling we'll be here all night."

"Good thing its Christmas break, or I wouldn't be able to keep awake on my classes tomorrow." Peyton said as she and Bevin also stood up to get food from the kitchen while the boys got ready to go out and rent the movies.

"Remember to bring chick flicks, guys. Not all of us wants to watch gore and violence for the whole night." Bevin said, looking pointedly at Skills, who just smirked at her.

"Mouth, take care of them!" Brooke called out from the kitchen, which made the other guys groan in protest. "And make sure they stay out of trouble, if you know what I mean!" Mouth rolled his eyes and the girls chuckled. They know she means that he censor the movies they will rent so avoid World War 3 when they come back.

"I understand!" he hollered back, following the boys out the door.

-------

_"Nate, we need to talk."_

He knew this day would come. He knew the moment he bumped into Chase that day at the cafe. No, he knew from the moment he came back from his exodus. He knew that the day would come that he had to tell his wife his secret. A secret that would either make them or break them. He just wished that the time didn't come so soon.

As he looked at his wife, he knew that there would be no turning back now. He hated to see her suffer, and she is suffering now because of him. He could see the worry etched in her face. He could see the doubts and the pains his silence had caused. He wanted to stop her hurting, but it didn't feel like he's ready to open that wound again. He didn't think he would ever be ready. So basically, today could be as best as any day could get.

He opened his mouth, but the words couldn't get out, and he felt the familiar sting in his eyes. Before all of this shit happened, he couldn't remember ever shedding a tear over anything. He never cried despite his father's abuse, his parent's divorce - hell, he didn't even cry when he scraped his knee badly when he was a kid and he needed stitches. But now, every small thought brings with it the wetness in his eyes, and he hated it. He hated feeling weak. So he didn't cry. As much as he wanted to, he didn't cry, not since that day he came back.

But as much as he hated feeling weak, when Haley hugged him then, he couldn't stop the tears that unconsciously fell from his eyes. He could feel her love, her care, her understanding, just by that simple touch, and he feel himself break down.

"I'm so sorry, so so sorry." He whispered fiercely against her hair. Hugging her tightly to him, and he felt somewhat comforted to feel her hug him back just as hard. "I don't deserve you, but I love you, I need you. Please don't leave me."

"Shush, I'm here, Nate." Haley replied, hugging her to him, feeling him bury his face on her neck. "No matter what, I'm not going anywhere. Please believe that. I love you."

"I screwed up, I know. I fucked up so much that I don't know why you bother with me." he continued as if didn't hear her. He pulled back and looked into her eyes. "I don't deserve you, but please don't leave me. I can't live without you and little Nate."

"I won't leave you Nathan. Never again." she replied, lifting her hands to touch his face. She smiled a little when he leaned into her touch. She slowly wiped the tears on his face and brushed the hair from his forehead. "I love you. I can't live without you either."

"I was raped."


	7. Chapter 7

**_Author's Notes: Told yah! The more reviews the earlier the update... This is the longest chap I've written in this fic so far... whew! So enjoy!!!_**

**_Please Review!_**

She was lying on the bed, staring at the ceiling, her fingers running through her husband's hair, silently lulling him to sleep. She wanted to watch him sleep, caress his face and see it so peaceful, so that, maybe, it could calm her spirits, too. But she settled herself with just lying there, Nathan partially on top of her, his head pillowing her chest. She knew he needed to feel her, to know that she is there, not leaving him, despite anything. As if she could really leave him, especially now.

After he had said those words, he broke down, and it took all her strenth not to break down, too. Slowly, she guided him to their bedroom, holding him close until his tears subsided. Even after then, they still held each other, drawing courage and comfort from each other.

She smiled at them ceiling, thinking of the man she was holding. It was a long time before she felt his even breath and she knew he had fallen asleep. Even in his sleep, his clutch was tight, as if she was his lifeline. She smiled. The thought brought her some peace, knowing he needed even just for comfort, and it somehow calmed her.

Slowly, as to not awaken her husband, she reached for the phone on the bedside table. She smiled again when Nathan tightened his hold on her when she moved. Even in his sleep, he refuses to let her go...

"Hey, Peyt, it's me..."

"Yeah, we're okay. Listen, I need a favor..."

"Yeah, I'll tell you guys tomorrow. Wait, listen, can you babysit Nathan for me tonight?"

"No! Of course not my husband!" she rolled her eyes.

"I meant my son..." She lowered her voice when Nathan slightly shifted.

"Thanks, I owe you, guys..."

"Yeah, yeah, Nathan's sleeping that's why we're whispering. Anyways, can you just use the key I gave Lucas? I'm kinda tied up at the moment..."

She rolled her eyes again. "Get your mind out of the gutter, P. Sawyer! As I was saying, the clothes and diapers are at the bag at the foot of his crib and there are bottles in the fridge. I think it'll last til tomorrow..."

"No, I didn't plan this. It's kinda impromptu, you know. Being tied up at the moment..."

"I'll talk to you tomorrow, Goldilocks. Thanks again."

"Oh, can you drop by my room before you go? Just don't wake up Nate, please?"

"Thanks. Love you. Buh-bye!"

She gently placed the phone back to the table and her fingers resumed its task on playing with Nathan's hair. She smiled. Things are going to get better.

-------

"Luke! Guess who's here!" Peyton called after her husband, as she walked through their front door. In her arms is little Nathan, the bag full of his overnight things is slung at one of her shoulders. She gently cooed the baby who was playing with the button of her shirt. Stepping into their living room, she dropped the bag at the couch, turning slightly when she heard her husband walking down the stairs.

"Hey, hon!" Lucas greeted her, placing a chaste kiss on her lips. "I missed you." he murmured against her lips making her smile. Slightly suprised to see a small bundle in his wife's arms, he looked down at the smiling Nate. He felt a sudden warmth engulf him as an image of Peyton carrying their own child entered his mind. Nothing can make him happier than to have her carry his babies.

Gently taking the baby in his arm, leaving his other arm free to wind at her waist, he sat them at the sofa. "So it's safe to say that Haley already talked to Nathan?" He smiled when he saw her still cooing little Nate, offering her index finger for the little boy to grasp.

"I guess so." She replied, looking up at her husband, then kissed his cheek. God, how she loved this man. "I mean, we haven't really talked, yet. I just dropped by at the apartment when she asked. Nathan was still sleeping, so I waved to her and left. She seemed exhausted, yet happy. I dunno. She said she'll talk to us tomorrow."

For a moment, he watched her play with the child in his arms and an unfamiliar feeling slowly crept into his being. He grinned.

"You know what I'm thinking right now?" he said, placing his free arm around her shoulders and tucking her into his side as close as humanly possible.

"What?" she asked softly, her loving gaze never leaving his.

"That nothing could make me happier right now than having this child as our own." he said so sweetly that she felt tears prick the back of her eyes. "I love you so much, Peyt, and one day, we'll have an insanely big family, and I'll love you all the more."

-------

"Hey."

The first thing Nathan saw when he opened his eyes was Haley's face. The look she had on her face made his heart skip a beat. Her eyes are taking him all in, as if trying to embed all of him into her memory forever, while her hand gently traced his face. Her barely there touch and her soft smile, made him grin - something he wasn't able to accomplish the past weeks he had been back - forgetting everything that happened within the past couple of hours.

"Hey." she said back, slowly reaching up to place a soft kiss on his lips, deepening it for a second when he didn't flinch at the contact, but quickly parted before he got uncomfortable. At least now she knew why he seemed to shy away at her touch. They haven't resolved anything yet, and she didn't want to pressure him into anything he was not ready to do. She looked at him, his eyes still closed as if savoring her kiss, and she revelled at the fact that she still has that effect on him. Her heart fluttered as he slowly opened his eyes and lovingly smiled at her.

"The apartment's awfully quiet." Nathan mused, his own hand reaching up to carress her face. He smiled again when she leaned into his touch. He felt somewhat relieved, and almost light-hearted, and that surprised him. Just a few hours ago, he had uttered the words he had dreaded to say since it happened. But now, saying it out loud, saying it to Haley, and not have her cringing at his touch, he felt almost free. Almost. He still got to actually tell the story, but he had said the words. The hard part was done.

"Peyt and Luke are babysitting for us tonight. Peyton dropped by to get him while you were asleep." Haley replied, taking his hand and kissing it.

He felt his heart fall. "Why?" He frowned. After what happened, doesn't she want him near their son anymore? Is he not worthy anymore?

"Nate," she said softly, cupping his face, directing his gaze back to her. She understands what's going through his mind. "I just want a night to ourselves. We'll go pick him up at Luke's tomorrow. We, as in, me and you, together. I promise." And she kissed him again.

After a while, she scooted closer to him, wrapping her hands around him, burying her face in his chest. She was silently telling him that she is there, just waiting, ready to listen, and for that he was greatful. For the millionth time he wondered how could he ever survive without her. She felt him hug her back, their bodies tangled together that one wouldn't know where one ended and the other began.

After a long, deep breath, he was ready.

"I was going back the day after that, you know? It's been, what, 26 days, 26 days since I've last seen you and I was missing you like crazy. I didn't know how I lasted that long, knowing you were just home, waiting for me to come back. I was ready then. I knew that as long as I got you, nothing else matters. I've said that before to you the day I passed out on court, and it just occurred to me that day, after 26 days of being away from you again, just how much those words meant, to me, to us.

"I was a nervous wreck. What if you don't want me back? What if you had enough of me already? What if you realized just how much of a fucked-up person I am and you realized how you deserve much better than me, that you deserve much better than what I could ever offer you? I loved you and needed you so much back then that I knew I could never live through it if you turned me away. That was why I was at the bar that night. I needed courage, and got it the only way I knew how. I drank.

"Not that that day was any different. That's what I had been doing, you know, my first week in Boston. I spent my days either drank or passed out. There was this bar where every bartender and waiter knew me by name just at my second day there. I spent every waking moment at the bar drinking, then crash at the nearby motel to pass out. I just wanted to forget. I didn't want to think, I was so, so confused..."

He felt hot tears on his chest and he knew she was crying. He just tightened his hold on her, rubbing her back to comfort her.

"That's how I met Chase. You know Chase, right? I think he's Brooke's boyfriend or something. He was a waiter at that bar and he saw me passed out at the bar one night and there was this guy fishing my wallet out. He helped me out, you know? He got rid of the bastard then took me to his place. He never let me touch a bottle of booze since then, saying that since I owe him for saving my ass, I should stay sober in return. As expected, fist fights happened, but I was too outta myself that he outmaneuvered me every time. That doesn't mean he left scratch-free, though. Apparently, even when pissed, I still could quite pack a good punch."

He gave a dry laugh.

"He's one of those clean teens we know in high school. Never got into fights, never tried to be popular. A part-time student. Does this odd jobs to pay for school and help his mom. Didn't want to associate himself with those gangsta's in high school. I didn't know why he helped me, still don't know why he's helping me now. I mean all that i'd been was a pain in the ass and I'm one of those persons he told himself to stay away from. But he helped me. God knows what was running through his mind when he saved me from that thief.

"He helped me stay sober, helped me shift through my thoughts. He was the reason why I got everything together in less than a month. If it hadn't been for him, I still would be at that bar, or worse, on the streets - no money, no anything, just booze.

"Then I started to miss you. So when he told me that he heard that his school was playing Tree Hill, I knew I just had to be there. I didn't know how I pulled it off, but I did. I wasn't ready for you to see me yet, so I went in a disguise. He helped get me in."

He felt her sobs quiet down and he was glad she had stopped crying. He then started to run his hands through her hair and he felt her rub his back comfortingly.

"I was at the back bleachers, my eyes never left you. You were so beautiful, even more beautiful than I remember, that I had to restrain myself from pulling you to me and kissing you senseless. I wasn't ready to see you yet. I want that by the time I face you again, I would be someone you would be proud of, not some broken man who spent his nights drunk."

He paused. Now is the hard part. He took another deep breath and he found his courage when Haley cuddled to him more.

"I was conscious, you know, when they did it. Slipped something in my drink that would just incapacitate me. But I was awake, they made me witness every fucked up thing they did to me. It would've had been better if I was unconscious, but no, I had to have every gory detail embedded in my mind...

"Nothing, I mean nothing, destroys a man more than something happening to him that will knowck at the pride, all the manliness out of him. And there I was, with four fucking assholes who sodomized me, them saying that I looked like the bitch they had back at the joint. Broke out of prison, those assholes. Just my luck."

He gave another dry laugh.

"Chase. He saved me again. I don't know how but he found me, patched me up. Those assholes were fucking violent...

"After that, I kinda lost it. I felt that this time, I had really lost you, and I found no reason to live anymore. You're my life. You're my family. Without you, I'm pretty much like trash. You don't know just how many times the thought of ending it all crossed my mind...

"But Chase, he wouldn't let me sulk, and he wouldn't let me touch any booze, and he made me come to the games, like we used to. And then, I stopped seeing you with Brooke and Peyton cheering. I was out of my mind with worry. That's when Chase decided to move here, so that he could keep an eye on you for me.

"I couldn't go back. I mean, even before we got married, I knew you deserved much better, but at least I still got myself to offer you. But thanks to those bastards, I don't even have that. Those assholes took away the only thing I could ever give you...

"I was at my lowest point, then, without you and Chase gone. For a while, I just got through my life with just Chase's reassurance that you still love me. But he knew me, he knew that the excuse was waning, and I was starting to get drunk again.

"So one night, he called me, all frantic, saying that something happened to you and all that other crap. It drove me crazy with worry and that was all I needed to go back. I'd rather have those crazy bastards rape me again than let anything happen to you. So I put myself together, picked myself up and knocked at you front door."

"And here I am." Pulling away slightly to look her in the eye, he said softly, "So now you know." He pushed a strand of her hair behind her ears and gently wiped the tears falling down her eyes. "I've got nothing else to offer you but the broken pieces of myself but I need you and I love you. Please don't turn me away. Please stay." He pleaded, his eyes also starting to get a little glassy.

"Oh Nathan." She cried, flinging herself to him, clutching him as tight as she could, burying her face in his chest as a new batch of tears fell. She felt him hug her back just as tight, burying his face at the crook of her neck as he cried his own tears. "I love you so much that I'd take you anyway that I could. I could never turn you away. I can't live without you Nathan and most importantly, I never want to try."


End file.
